I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
