Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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