Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
