..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
