Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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