I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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