why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
