do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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