On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize