I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
