You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
