I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
