so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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