Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
