I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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