About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
