I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
