She is in my trunk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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