Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
