That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
