glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Randomize
