I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
