You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
