my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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