just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
