You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
