Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
