He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
