And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
