Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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