i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
