i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
