I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize