she was so not down for the gang bang
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
