i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
