so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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