I'm going to jail i love you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
