we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
