is your mom at the bar?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
