No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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