i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
