sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
