I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize