Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
