I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
