He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
