We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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