He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
