I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
