Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
