Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
