it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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