Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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