you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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