It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
