my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
