she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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