i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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