I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
