I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
