It's Friday. Sex?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
