Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
try to milk me bitch
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