Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
