Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
