I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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