We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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