Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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