he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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