Sacagawea was the original milf.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
