So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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