i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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