And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
please come you make the beer taste better
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
